Cada día más difícil esto de creer o confiar. Como la inmunidad que se vive al leer un titular sobre la crisis, te cuentan historias sobre cuernos y recuernos hasta que esto ya huele a cuerno quemado. He escuchado bastantes argumentos sobre el tema y haciendo síntesis creo que estas son las opciones que hay:Fiel: Aplaudido por una mayoría, se refiere a un compromiso en el que sólo entran las dos personas que configuran la pareja, lo que se traduce en un overbooking en la cama: tres son multitud. Opciones: si tú o la otra persona se salta esta norma, comienza la crisis. O bien confías y pides no enterarte si las cosas no son como deseas.
Infiel: Simplemente eso. La relación sigue, y precisamente para eso, se integran experiencias que no interfieren en la relación. El sexo, sobrevalorado, se puede vivir con otras personas ya que es un gesto más de complicidad. Y comentarlo o no dependerá del daño que origine. Si va a doler a la otra personas, mejor que no se entere. Opciones: mientes (y te perdonas por ello) o mientes (y hasta te admiras por ello).
De piedra: Ahí lo llevas, tú no tienes compromiso, piensas que una pareja es asunto de dos y quien se ha puesto a jugar contigo a traspasar límites tiene una relación como un castillo con otra persona. Opciones: No eres parte del problema y ser "la otra" persona puede ser ventajoso o eres parte de la solución y te quitas de en medio.
Los ideales los conocemos. La realidad cada vez se hace más patente. Eliges derretirte y no ser de piedra más fácil de lo previsto, perdonas al infiel como callas la infidelidad y puede que tu orgullo esté a precio de saldo en según que situaciones. ¿Fallan las normas o las personas?
4 comentarios:
This is a very good post, Natalia! Thanks for sharing your thoughts...!
Thanks God some games (i.e. stone-paper-scissors:)) are internationally available and this post would make sense to many nations, cultures...
I guess it equally makes sense also for the different species...men and women...:)
Maybe, regarding to the reflection on 'who/what does fail', it would be a combination of both the people and the 'rule'.
It took me long to understand that some people, only by pronouncing 'fidelity' feel a strict, formal constraint, an imposed responsibility and their way to claim their freedom is not being loyal. Some do it to prove to themselves they are completely free at any moment to do what they want (sometimes this is just acting against, the OPPOSITE to what the common sense rule would say...:))
I often translate this, to simplify my understanding, as naive idealism. Coz in the grown-ups' world, freedom is not the urge to do the opposite, nor to show your 'muscles' by daring to do something everybody would disapprove... (but you hope they would silently wish to have your guts when they would grow up...:))
There are people who start being unfaithful because what they have is not enough for their inner roller coaster... or are bored, or things have gotten into a routine (and they didn't see this coming, in fact they thought they will wake up everyday with butterflies in the stomach of being in love, in a metaphysical story, with poems haha). And they say they look for something else to compensate.
I believe, in fact, they are looking to compensate this elevated bohemian sensations, which are far from a consistent reality. And even though they find this, it will last again - like last time till they'd look for another round of initiatic adventure. Again - I shall bring up the naive idealism thingy...
Then, the 'accident cheating' - not much to elaborate here, because I don't believe in accidents...:), and despite the fact I tried to understand the dynamics of an accident, it equals with comma:) (me da con virgula:))
Maybe if you are intelligent enough, you can get enough alibi to explain an accident, but this is after all, a mean of justifying it to yourself and push your mind to forgive yourself... Can we tag the idealism here, too?:)
Apart from any of the above, when it happens and there's no accident, nor other needs, I think you have the simplest equation - the relationship you are cheating on is already 'smoked', lost and should be finished.
Though, people who don't have the guts to break it, are too comfortable or just wait to see how to jump the safest, on their feet. And this is another sort of idealism, thinking you can control everything at a certain point...
bullshit!...:))
Conclusion: infidelity has to do with idealism...jajaja
I have to give a small credit to the ones who are not loyal, no?!:)
uufff, such a long theory, when in fact everyone is free to do what ever she/he pleases... My only problem with this topic is that if one is free to do this, it might considerably hurt another or more persons...
And if you choose to be 'infiel' because you know you would accept this from your partner in return... well this is not enough, unfortunately, like in basic empathy, in general, in society. It's not enough...
Of course there are reasons and reasons for being the cheated one, the one in the middle and the 'infiel' one. All very valid and accurate!
Of course, everything is relative and related to a circumstantial, context based background....
The only 'worry' I have with this act is that other people get hurt and there's no way on earth you could ever explain or make him/her understand the 'why'........
:)
And it's not even a question of having the right attitude like in other human-relation problems...
ya, ya...:)
Hugs!
yo también, yo también opino lo mismo...
aunque hay algunas cosas de las que no me he enterado porque me he puesto a ordenar mis cajas de papeles entre medias...
Un abrazo
Buena síntesis... y la última pregunta, la verdad es que no sé responderla.
Difícil cuestión, por lo visto, aunque debería ser más fácil ¿no?
Anca, mil gracias por tu comentario ¡¡yo también estoy de acuerdo!!
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